The Butterfly battalion is back. This is it.
The question inside her head is loud, and it scares her like the old boogeyman inside her closet when she was 6. “What if I made an irrecoverable mistake? Or what if the courage of another could’ve altered everything?” She let out a shallow breath “Could this be isech’s curse?” Kaia wanted to throw a fit, fighting the tears brimming from her dark eyes. At that very moment, she hated him, she hated Isech for not waiting, for being too scared, for being a confidante, and nothing more.
You feel the worst in your bones. You decide if it’s an impending doom, something ghastly real, or just plain old hormones. Such a gloomy feeling on a Sunday which is usually my favorite day of the week, I feel like I have a mountain of ‘to-do’s’ and very little ‘accomplished’. Certainties mix with doubt, faith and trust is tainted with the mistakes of the past and uncertainties of the future. God forgive my heart’s thoughts. I will recuperate. I know I will. Tomorrow ought to be better.
Halloween from the black hole of my super sized universe. Well, what can I say… I’ve been slacking off for the longest time. I haven’t even had the tiniest morsel of will to write and that’s a bit odd. So to catch up on things, may I chronicle what was…
Number 1, I got married to my first boyfriend, technically. I busted my personal myth number 48, getting married does flood you with endorphins! I was smiling and giddy the entire time! I felt really happy, it was like no other level of elation I have ever experienced. It was like, every moment in my melodramatic life lead me to this wonderful-sometimes-not-so-pleasant-guy (he’s very moody and jealous at times) but yeah he loves me like cray and I’m super smitten as well. Basically this whole set up is like a step into the future, but I see it as the future starting. I’ve been with him for more than four years now and it’s just swell. Make no mistake, I get cranky, he gets cranky but we hug it out at the end of the day. He is my happy pill.
I took the IELTS a month ago, review for barely two weeks when the minimum time allotment for a comprehensive study should be a solid month, but God was on my side and I got a great score, eligible for a career abroad. Life has been great these days and by the way, I went to Hongkong two weeks ago. Will blog about it later as for now, baked oysters are calling. Ciao.
I have approximately 2 weeks of un-married life left. Usually this would be a girl’s one and only wish, THE milestone that she has waited and planned for since she was 5…or 8 or in my case when I fell in love with Brandon Charles Boyd during freshmen year in high school, but now that things are taking the speed train to where it should be, I can definitely use some alone time, not that I am not up for marriage and that I’m having second thoughts about this, make no mistake. I love my man, and marrying my first ever boyfriend (fantasies and sucky toxic capsules not included) has been a prayer but then, I feel that I deserve to do 5 things all by myself since after the 22nd, I won’t be alone…forever. I will have these things to myself.I planned on doing 10 things, but then 10 is a daunting number to finish given that I have less than 20 days before THE day.
Uno of the cinco.
I have always loved coffee. I have adored its aroma, it’s flavor, how it sets my pulse running, how an influx of ideas rush in when I’m having it. Coffee was my religion up until I got rushed into the ER due to low calcium levels (palpitations and numbness). I feel blessed whenever I have unhurried breakfasts, meaning I could linger in nursing my cup of joe. Life just seems right that way, it transports me to the 90’s everything else was laid back then, hearing the early morning AM radio while having breakfast, the nostalgia ofnit all.
I am currently having a mug of latte in a local patisserie. I can hear people from distant tables chatter. I chose the table beside the window and the afternoon traffic along Iznart street is it’s usual halt and go. I feel peaceful, in tuned with my old self. I must say, this is kind of cleansing both for the heart and the soul. Life moves us, it pushes us to carry on, but there are just little trinkets in the past that we go back to.
I did alot today, and time unfolded minute by minute, moment by slow moment. Today, I am liberated form bondage, I am a free man…errr woman. I have an expensive comodity at my disposal, I am finally the proud owner of my time.
I had my mid day nap, the oh so forgotten ritual lasted for 2 hours, with mouth and eyes partly open ( happens when I’m dead tired ) I cannot promise that I did not snore or passed out streams of saliva, i was just too beat up, I considered my lunchtime nap as the herald of my detox… my nursing life rendered me too tired for words, it was very tiring that I think, it would take series of naps and over sleeping to recover.
I finished my errands which had everything to do with my life (refering to my mobile phone), I paid the bill, had the plan changed to accomodate my boyfriend’s mobile number in my network freebie and had an obligatory girl talk with my cousin/longtime buddy over pretzels and iced tea. I missed having activities in que.
To cap off my first day of redemption, boyfriend and I met up for an old down town tsinoy (Chinese-Pinoy) dinner at the famous Roberto’s, such an institution in the old center of commerce in the city, filled with grumpy waiters and mismatched wall decor, nevertheless, I won’t stop eating there, some of the dishes are really good, and it’s like an umbillical cord, connects you to the source… of that old Iloilo feeling. After dinner, we walked past the newly restored buildings that dates back decades upon decades ago. The city has become more beautiful… my heart quivers at the sight of her. Finally, she’s getting the care that she well deserves.
Back at home, I still had time to watch TV, mope over soap operas and be normal with mom and boyfriend… I just cannot have that when I was still working as a nurse to thr barrios, i do not have the luxury to watch a little TV, I would rather turn in early because I am up and off even before day break.
Today was a good start at freedom, now, I shall sleep.
((what weekends are made of))
HAPPY FRIDAY NIGHT. i hope you all have an awesome weekend filled with stuff like this.